wat bout pragnant strippers??
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
