No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
