Already got asked if we're dating
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
