I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
