Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I cannot find my penis.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
