She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
