I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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