So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize