imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
