i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
