Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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