hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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