Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
