I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
