It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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