don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
