Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
