Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
