dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
