Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
