Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
