I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I need water and some morals
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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