yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
