would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
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