i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
