I'm so fucking centered right now
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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