Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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