If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
