Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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