I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
