last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
