just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
