Porn is love you can see.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
