I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
