i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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