I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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