Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
