Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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