I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
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