why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
