Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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