Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
