You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
