i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
