I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize