im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
