i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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