i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
