were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
