dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
