he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
