She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
your like the ambassador to my penis.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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