There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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