lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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