Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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