Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
