Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
