yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
