it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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