i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I love having hate sex.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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