Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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