I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize