also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
