Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
