did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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