Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
